What is Awareness: The Cornerstone of Who You Are
You may wonder, “But how could awareness be the cornerstone of who we are? After all, we have our whānau, our experiences, our schoolings, and our memories. Don’t all of these things together create and define us?”
All of these things definitely play a role in who we think we are right now. The key phrase to remember, however, is “who we think we are.” The truth is that this identity is in constant flux, changing all the time.
The Problem with Our Changing Stories
For a moment, let’s close our eyes and recall who we were exactly four days, three hours and ten minutes ago. Can any of us remember? Clearly our memories are not exact. They change and transform; we forget things, and new memories replace some of the old ones. Sometimes we talk to someone else who saw the same event differently, and we then change it in our own minds. We are constantly editing our memories! Therefore, our stories about who we are change constantly.
Our Many Hats Throughout Life
For example, you might have been very shy and hesitant to make new friends at primary school. But when you got into college, joining the drama club helped you become more actively involved with fellow students. Then at uni, perhaps you took on an entirely different persona, becoming the “party animal” or the “academic scholar.” We wear many different hats throughout our lives.
When we go to whānau, school, or uni reunions, we notice that while some characteristics remain the same, many things change. We look different, are interested in different things, and have new people in our lives. We may be married and be a parent, acting very differently than we did in our youth. If we are constantly changing, how can we possibly say we are “that” when we weren’t “that” before and won’t be “that” later?
So, Who Are We Really?
Since we frequently change, who are we really? A typical teenager wants to stay out late with his mates, giving little thought to his parents’ worry or his own safety. He just wants to have a good time! Later in life, that same person becomes a parent, becoming far more cautious and concerned. It’s a metamorphosis.
This evolution continues into retirement. We may become a recluse, a traveller exploring the motu in a campervan, or a dedicated grandparent. With so many changes, which identity is the real one? If we keep changing, we’re really none of them. So, who are we then?
The One Thing That Never Changes
The answer is simple, and our own experience can prove it. Think back to one of your earliest memories. One of my earliest memories is visiting my grandparents on their lifestyle block in the Waikato after a huge southerly storm. I remember climbing massive snow drifts and sliding down, having a blast.
Last winter, my partner and I took our tamariki to Tekapo. After a new snowfall, I went sledding with them, and again, it was a blast. Though I am a very different person than I was as a toddler, my awareness of the experience—the witnessing of the joy and the sensation—was exactly the same. I am aware of what’s happening in both instances.
We are awareness itself. We are aware of our experiences. Around the age of two or three, we begin to label things, creating our personality from our likes and dislikes. These labels change, as we’ve seen. What doesn’t change is our awareness of what’s happening.
Living in the Now for a Happier Life
A better way to understand this is to realise that everything exists right now. All of our memories are recalled in the now, and all our future ideas are conceived in the now. The only permanent part of this “now” is our awareness.
When we reside in this awareness, we begin to relax and become happier. This is what this is all about. But when we identify with our transitory labels, we suffer. We fear loss and long for things, which causes suffering. All these ideas of who we are are just concepts in our head that keep us from simply enjoying life. We enjoy the “snowdrifts” of life much more when we don’t label things and just play in the snow, whether we’re 100 years old or 2.
A Simple Technique to Stay Aware
Identifying with our awareness brings a fresh, “child-like” approach to life. It’s new and exciting. When we label something, we stop truly seeing it. But with a quiet mind, we can be the awareness of life as it is, and the adventure becomes tremendous.
To stay in this witnessing state, try this simple technique. Whenever your mind starts overthinking, remember to get back to living. Experience what’s before you: look around, check in with life, and let your thoughts quieten. Allow your ego to relax. Just tell yourself, “She’ll be right. Let’s just enjoy this journey of life.” Be in the present moment, and life will proceed a whole lot better.