The Stories We Tell Ourselves: How to Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs

Our minds are often busy with a constant stream of thoughts—what to make for dinner, if we need petrol, the time of an upcoming meeting. With practice, learning to quiet this everyday mental chatter during meditation can become easier.

But what about the deeper, more persistent narrative? The one filled with self-doubt, the justifications for staying in our comfort zone, or the reasons we give for postponing important changes? How easily can you recognize the unhelpful stories you tell yourself? And how willing are you to sit with them compassionately, so you can gently question their validity?

What is this inner narrative?

In simple terms, it’s the internal dialogue we use to justify avoiding challenges or tasks we find daunting. Often, the root cause is fear—though the specific nature of that fear can be unclear, even to ourselves.

These stories can sound like:

• “I haven’t told the doctor because…”
• “I can’t focus on my health right now because…”
• “I need to be completely stress-free before I can even start…”
• “I won’t commit yet, just in case…”
• “I’m not scared, but…”

Do any of these sound familiar?

The challenge is that when we live within these stories for too long, they begin to affect other parts of our lives, impacting our health, our relationships, and our overall sense of well-being. Often, these excuses are a way of protecting ourselves from the vulnerability of trying and failing.

You are not alone in this

This happens to everyone. I have a friend who works in the personal development field, and they recently found themselves in a difficult situation. The nature of these challenges is that they often require significant time, energy, and commitment to resolve.

While we all possess the inner resources to navigate these times, applying our own tools to our own problems can feel daunting, even for an expert. It’s in these moments that our inner voice can become most persuasive, offering a long list of convincing reasons to avoid confronting the issue directly.

This can start a cycle of negative thinking and poor decisions that only deepens the challenge.

Finding a way through can sometimes be simpler than we anticipate, and other times it can feel like an uphill battle. But the effort to move forward is always worthwhile.

How to Quiet the Unhelpful Inner Voice

The first and most crucial step is to learn to recognize this inner narrative for what it is. This is where a mindfulness practice can be incredibly powerful.

If there’s a goal you want to achieve or a problem you’re avoiding, try sitting with it quietly. Gently ask yourself to voice the reasons why you’re holding back—just as you might explain it to someone else. Then, simply let those reasons sit with you in a non-judgmental space. What sensations or emotions arise?

Remember, mindfulness is about paying attention without criticism. There’s no need to berate yourself if you begin to see that your reasons might be excuses in disguise. You don’t need to make excuses for your excuses, either!

Acknowledging this inner voice as a storyteller—one that isn’t always truthful—is often the most significant and challenging part of the process. Once you can see these thoughts for what they are, you can begin to make a realistic plan to move beyond them. Remember to be kind to yourself, taking small steps if needed, and don’t hesitate to lean on the support of those who care about you.